Random Shots: What Do You Worship?

— R.F. Kampfer

A LOT OF people may be very nervous indeed about what Saddam Hussein might reveal at trial about his long connections with former U.S. (not to mention British, French, German and Russian) governments. And speaking of trials: If Saddam is getting one, there can be no excuse for denying them to his underlings by calling them “illegal enemy combatants.”

One problem Bush has in putting together a collaborationist Iraqi government is that those who are willing to sell their country for personal profit have a history of doing so under the previous regime.

Just when you think Washington has hit bottom, somebody comes up with the idea of using sectarian militias against the Iraqi resistance. Just what that country needs, a set of warlords carving out their own fiefdoms.

Boy George says that the occupation of Iraq will be like that of the Philippines. Translation: Get in under false pretenses, stay by means of torture and slaughter, get kicked out by the Japanese.

Qualities of Life

NO MATTER HOW sick you are, you are probably better off at home than in the hospital. The complications of surviving at home provide a distraction, while the efficiency of the hospital leaves you nothing to do but brood about your condition.

The quality of life has improved in some ways. You don't hear the expression “tough as a steak” anymore.

One manufacturer of cold-weather gear has come up with a catchy billboard slogan: “Wherever Snot Freezes.”

Thanksgiving is the one time that it's useful to have football on TV. It provides a way to avoid conversation with your less congenial relatives, or at least gives you something neutral to talk about.

Wouldn't have expected Rush Limbaugh to get hooked on pain-killers. More likely diet-pills.

Bad Taste

“THE LAST Samurai,” director Edward Zwick portrays the adherents of "bushido" as inflexible pillars of virtue. Kurosawa often depicted them as cowardly, mercenary or corrupt. Which one do you trust?

It's annoying that the first Patrick O'Brian movie should be called “Master and Commander” when it doesn't contain a single line from that book.

Always have to smile when I drive past a church with a sign offering Sun Worship out front. There is but One God, He is the Sun God, Ra! Ra! Ra!

Ever notice that we don't see as many dogs chasing cars as we used to? Further evidence that Darwin was right.

Free Martha Stewart: No justice, no quiche!

ATC 108, January-February 2004