Random Shots: Time to Face the Music

— R.F. Kampfer

AN ITALIAN PHYSICS student has invented a musical condom, which plays a selection from Beethoven if it breaks during use. The ominous opening passage of the Vth Symphony, no doubt. Other possibilities might include “Here Comes the Bride,” “Having My Baby” or “Pop Goes the Weasel.”

Speaking of music, Woodstock II went off without a hitch, except for a scare about some bad Prozac going around.

As many comebacks as he made, Richard Nixon should have been buried with a wooden stake through his heart to make sure he stays put.

And amid all the hype about D-Day, the stubborn reluctance of the British to take that big step has been conveniently forgotten.

Literary Notes

BY THE TIME you read this, Alexander Solzhenitsyn will probably be as disgusted with the New Russia as he was with the old Soviet Union.

Movies about coal miners, from “Matewan” to “Germinal,” always portray miners with full sets of good teeth.

Thoughts While Doing Chores

MOST MEN WILL mow their own grass and shovel their own snow even though they hate the jobs. It's not that they begrudge the cost of hiring someone else; they just want to avoid the appearance of being “over the hill.”

“On a can of paint it says: `Make sure surface is free from dirt, grease and loose paint before using.' This is nonsense. If the wall looked like that, why on earth would you want to paint it?” --Dave Barry

If people had as much respect for motherhood as they like to claim, the job would pay better.

Miscellaneous Words of Wisdom

BILL CLINTON'S RIGHT-wing enemies claim that Hillary is really running the White House. If she were, the administration would be in much better shape.

The health care debate has proven Bill Clinton to be such a hopeless compromiser that if he wanted two kids, he'd settle for 1-1/2.

Completing a collection of anything (Lenin's Works, Beatles' recordings, Monaco's postage stamps) always leads to mixed emotions: satisfaction on one hand, a need to find a new purpose in life on the other.

ATC 52, September-October 1994

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