Random Shots: That Was the War That Was

— R.F. Kampfer

NOTICE HOW QUICKLY the Chinese government reined in those public demonstrations at the U.S. embassy in Beijing. Perhaps they remembered Wellington's attitude towards expressions of opinions by the troops: “If you allow them to cheer, another time they will feel entitled to hiss.”

Clinton had expected Milosevic to back down when threatened, mainly because that's what he's always done himself.

Star Stuff

MOST OF US know children whom we can see growing up to become Darth Vader.

Since Jar Jar Binks is a computer-generated character, shouldn't there be a “delete” button we could hit?

While the cruise ship “Sun Vista” sank off the coast of Malaysia, the passengers sang the theme song from “Titanic.” Life imitates art.

Fabio, who has graced the covers of hundreds of Gothic Romances, suffered facial injuries when he collided with a bird while riding on a roller coaster. There must be a moral to this accident.

On the death of Shel Silverstein, noted poet and cartoonist: Some will remember him for “The Giving Tree” or “Where the Sidewalk Ends,” but my favorite was always “Somebody Ate the Baby.”

According to Tom Tomorrow, the grief over John F. Kennedy Jr.—and Princess Di before him—has gone beyond mourning to verge on necrophilia.

Peacemakers?

THE REPUBLICANS WANT to reduce violence by bringing religion back into the schools—look how well it worked for Ireland. (Don't let the little kiddies read Deuteronomy Chapter 7.)

Israeli settlers might be less unwelcome in Palestinian territory if they didn't bring the Israeli army with them.

Boris Yeltsin is launching a new promotion, the Government-of-the-Month Club. Your first selection is free and all subsequent Cabinets come with return privileges if not fully satisfied.

Does anyone else find it ludicrous for a neo-Nazi to carry an Uzi?

Miscellaneous Notes

A sign in a Texas antique store reads: “Unattended children will be given a free kitten.”

Animal rights activists put more effort into combating the wearing of fur than leather. Perhaps that's because it's safer to bother rich ladies than bikers or commissars.

In case you thought you were thoroughly familiar with the martial arts, there is a new booklet out about the technique of key chain fighting.

Flashbacks (Courtesy of the Editor)

[IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE that this column began fifteen years ago, in the magazine Changes, a predecessor to Against the Current. From our editorial vaults, we reprint these items from Kampfer's inaugural column—ed.]

It will be a long time before the U.S. Marines can enjoy singing about “the shores of Tripoli,” after the debacle in Lebanon. Maybe they were supposed to go to the one in Libya?

Dr. George Graham, a member of Reagan's Task Force on Hunger, recently stated that the outstanding performance of Black athletes indicates that hunger is not a major problem in the Black community. He blamed high levels of Black infant mortality on “too much sex during pregnancy.” Could we see that diploma again, please?

At the British Ford plant in Bridgend, a full-time worker is assigned to sit by the assembly line and kick it with a steel- toed boot every time it jams. The Bridgend plant is supposedly the most modern in Europe.

ATC 82, September-October 1999

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